McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
"So what does Brian Lara's a*** taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll
effing rip your effing throat out."
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you
spent it all eating," Cullinan retorted.
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies,Hughes didn't say a word to
Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island,
my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman:
"In my culture we just say f**k *ff.".
Ian healy and Arjuna Ranatunga
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player Adam Parore to the crease playing &missing the first ball.
Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now".
Parore- (Turningaround) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb ****".
Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimb number11- who was unable to get
his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was
still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired:
"Why are you so fat?" Quick as a flash, Brandes replied:"Because every
time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."Even the Aussie
slip fielders were in hysterics.
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan.
Hughes was less than impressed when Javed called him a "fat bus
conductor" as the pair squared up to one another. A few balls later,Hughes got his man and as Javed walked past, could not resist shouting "Tickets,please!"
Steve Waugh and Parthiv Patel.
Steve Waugh...Last Test...comes up to bat...
Parthiv-"so this is your last test...show us some of that famous sledging of yours."
Steve-"Respect Me...For when i made my test debut You were still in your nappies"
Ian Healy and Ben Hollioake
A classic from the master of sledging,Ian Healy: Ben Hollioake had
just made his debut, hitting Glenn McGrath in the
process. On his way back after finally being dismissed, Shane Warne
cried: 'Hey, Ben' Hollioake turned round expecting a pat on the back.
Instead Healy came in from behind and said: 'Get back to the nets,you idiot.'
This is the one and only javed miandad vs dilip doshi...javed bhai at
the crease, doshi bowling...the players' hotel was quite near the
stadium...
javed: "arre doshi apna room number to bataa"
nothing from doshi
next ball, javed asks again...still nothing when the over ends..."arre
ab to over khatam ho gaya, ab to bataa de" doshi finally relents.."216"
(or watever) "agle over mein ball wahin maaroonga"
Merv Hughes to his bunny Hick: After softening him up with some bouncers, he said "so what does your husband do when he is not watching you play cricket?" Sure enough, Hick was out the next ball.
"Arjuna, he's probably slotting himself around at 150 kilos at the moment, is he? Swallowed a sheep or something like that." - Shane Warne hits back at his old foe Arjuna Ranatunga (Feb 2004)
It is better to swallow a sheep or a goat than swallow what he has been swallowing." - Arjuna Ranatunga's saucy response to Shane Warne's "swallowed a sheep" jibe
If you are the captain, you have to lead by the front. You can't just do it by mouthing rubbish. You have to be aggressive with the bat." - Bishen Bedi on Sourav ‘Dada’ Ganguly
Next time some idiot mentions the NatWest Trophy run chase, do yourself a favour. Catch the offender by the throat and squeeze firmly till he turns India-blue in the face. Let go only once he chokes out an apology. Yes, it was a gripping match, and a fine run-chase, but nothing more than that. The opposition, lest the cheerleaders among us forget, was England, a mid-table team that couldn't even make the Super Six at the last two World Cups. Can you imagine the Australians releasing commemorative DVDs after beating such a piss-poor side? -From an article written by Mr. Dileep Premachandran, assistant editor of Wisden Cricinfo in India.
As Geoffrey Boycott, currently battling throat cancer, walked out for his England debut at Trent Bridge in 1964 wearing glasses before his conversion to contact lenses, Australia captain Bobby Simpson's advice to opening bowler Graham MacKenzie left little to interpretation. "Hey, Garth, look at this four-eyed f****r. He can't f**
***g bat, knock those f*****g glasses off him straight away," said Simpson.
And when David Steele, famously compared to a "bank clerk going to war" when he made his debut in the 1975 Lord's Test, emerged from the Long Room, he was greeted by that cultural attache for fast bowlers, Jeff Thomson, with the immortal line: "Who's this, then? Father f*****g Christmas?"
In modern times, Merv Hughes has been Australia's champion of the one-liner, although his repartee did not always go unanswered. Beating Robin Smith outside off-stump in 1989, he followed through, gave the Hampshire batsman a wild-eyed glare and growled: "You can't f*****g bat." Smith, on his way to a maiden Test hundred, cracked the next ball for four with a trademark rasping square cut and replied: "Hey, Merv, we make a right f*****g pair. I can't bat and you can't f*****g bowl."
Steve Waugh, playing and missing at Curtly Ambrose in the Caribbean, responded to the giant Antiguan's menacing stare by snapping: "What the f*** are you looking at?"
Another unnamed Aussie was not so fortunate after trying to wind up Sir Viv Richards in his own kingdom. Barging into the visitors' changing room on close of play, King Viv pinned his man against a wall without anyone daring to restrain him. "If you are going to call me a black bastard, how observant of you to notice that I am black," he snorted. "But do you have the documentation to prove I am a bastard?" Needless to say, Richards did not get another peep out of the offending chirper.
Viv Richards to Greg Thomas- Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb out swinger, and Thomas said, "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces." Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground and replies, "Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"
'92 Ind-Aus series(3rd Test at Sidney) Ravi Shastri was batting and hit a shot which was well fielded by the 12th man whitney and started for a run. Whitney shouted on him, "Back to your crease else I'll break your head with my throw". Shastri calmly replied, "If you bowl as good as you field you would have been in the team and not the 12th man!" Incidentally, Shastri went on to make a 200 in that innings.
Aus Vs. South Africa (World Cup 99) "You have just dropped the World Cup, mate" - Steve Waugh to Hershelle Gibbs when he dropped Steve going for a premature celebration of a catch he hadn't grabbed properly .....
Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out, "Well bowled Warnie!"
"Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero." -Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983.,
Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket. Fiery finds this objectionable. "Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". The reply is classic Trueman, "Not you, son. Your mother should've!"
Allan Donald playing in a county game for Warwickshire vs Northants: Having take a few of the Northants top order, Alan lamb was on strike, looking to come forward. Donald noticed this, and dropped a couple short. After the second one, Allan said "Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car". Next ball Donald pitched the ball right up. But Lamb was ready for it, and hit a beautiful cover drive straight to the boundary. "Go park that one", he drawled.
Then there's the wicket keeper who quietly asked the new batsman "So how's the wife, and my kids?"
England vs Australia, early '60s: Fred Trueman fielding close to the gate from the pavillion. As the new Aussie batsman came out to bat, he went to close the gate behind him as he walked onto the field. Trueman: "Don't bother shutting it son, you won't be out there long enough."
The famous spectator sledger, 'Yabba' of the SCG Hill: He had a deep booming voice which echoed throughout the ground when he let fly, and he became very well known for his performances. When the Yorkshire fielder dropped a catch in front of the Hill, Yabba cried out "I could have caught that one with my mouth", to which the fielder growled "Aye, if mine were as big as thine, so could I".
Douglas Jardine while fielding waved his hand to swat a fly away from his face, to which Yabba boomed "Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!"
NZ in Australia: Simon Doull, batting, edged a ball from Shane Warne for four. Warne commented to Doull "four years ago you would've missed that." Doull replied, "Yeah, but four years ago you were a better bowler!"
Fred is bowling at an exhibition match and notes that the next batsman is a real Colonel, complete with whiskers. The fielding captain immediately realises that this is close to a declaration of war for Fiery, and he requests Fiery please be diplomatic. Fiery says to the Colonel "Aye, I'll bowl thee a half volley first ball which tha can hit for four." The relieved Colonel says "Thanks, and the next one,Fred?" Replies Fred, "Ah, with the second ball, I'll knock tha bleedin' head off!"
Yet another Fred quote: "Women are for batsmen, beer is for bowlers. God help the all rounders!"
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